Book Review {5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Son}

Thank you Sarah for recommending this book!  I loved reading it and I think it only took me about a week.  It was refreshing, eye-opening, at times brutally honest which also made it a little scary a times for the task that is at hand.  It will definitely need to be re-read every few years to make sure some of the conversations are being discussed; especially in the pre-teen/teen years.

 (amazon.com)

There are some great topics in this book!  Discussions on today’s image of a man, helicopter mom’s, self-control,  a new and improved sex talk, co-habitation, marrying at a younger age, and launching your boys from boyhood to adulthood!

Most importantly, Vicky stresses throughout the book the importance of the heart of the matter.  It’s a great message that I first read/understood when reading Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp a few years ago.  It is something I truly believe in and long to do but I think I have strayed from it a bit lately. 

In a later chapter Vicky makes it clear:

The truth is we can train our sons to be chivalrous, polite, obedient, selfless, honest, and humble, but if their behavior is not motivated by a love for Christ and a desire to follow Him, they are relying on goodness rather than godliness.  Isaiah 64:6 reminds us that our righteous acts are like filthy rags.  But the sternest warning comes from Christ and His harsh words to the Pharisees:  “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites!  You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.  Blind Pharisee!  Fist clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean” (Matt. 23:25-26).

Employing behavior modification strategies without addressing the heart does nothing more than put a BAND-AID on the problem.  We must get to the heart of the matter.

It is easy to react to our sons’ sins with a set of swift consequences that discourage a repeat of the sins.  However, we need to take the time to address the sins at the heart level in an effort to offer a permanent solution.   We can’t make our sons experience godly sorrow or, for that matter, even repent, but we can remind them of their need for a Savior and the price that was paid.

For me, this is a great reminder/challenge about what is most important when disciplining my boys.  It’s easy to focus on the behavior and not take the time to help them slow down and focus on their heart and where it is in relation to God’s Word.  And, most of the book does at times seem like the conversations will come into play at a later age…but this...this I can do this now.  I can start laying the foundation of teaching them to mirror every action next to the Word of God.

I know a few of you who have also been seeking books specifically on raising boys.  Vicky has done her research and there are plenty of references to choose from throughout her book!  Most are not books specifically on how to raise boys, but from how I see it…just understanding boys in general.  Here are a few that I think might be worth looking into, if you haven’t heard of them already:

1.       The Mind of Boys by Michael Gurian.  He has trained teachers to handle the differences between girls and boys, and makes suggestions on how to help boys in the classroom.
2.       Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. 
3.       Boys Must Be Boys by Meg Meeker.
4.       Raising Sons and Loving It! By Gary and Carrie Oliver
5.       Making Sense of the Men in Your Life by Kevin Leman
6.       That’s My Son by Rick Johnson

A few of these are definitely going on my list!!!

Vicky also has a section on her website that her husband put together containing activities and a list of books/training materials that they used for reinforcing each of the conversations discussed in the book.  Since we don’t currently have Internet I haven’t been able to look at them, but I’m excited to see what is there!  Just in case you beat me to it you can co here {www.vickicourtney.com} then click on the link to the 5 Conversations blog.

I do believe there is one paragraph that sticks out more so than any other in the book.  I remember my friend, Sarah, referencing to it as well when she read it.

Deep in a mother’s heart, she knows that when it comes time for her son to leave, he will leave both physically and emotionally.  He will eventually turn his attention to another woman who will become the recipient of his adoration.  Of course our sons will still love us, but their feelings won’t be manifested in the same way a daughter’s feelings would be toward her mother.  Our role is to prepare them to love another, all the while, enjoying every minute of the brief season when we reign as queen in their hearts. 

If you are a mother of a boy…doesn’t that just make your heart ache a little?!  It’s a gentle reminder of how precious my time is with my boys and I know I take it for granted all too often.  

  If you have a girl she has a book for you too!  5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter.