To Deploy or Not To Deploy?

That has been the question of late!

If you remember, the morning after we arrived in Germany we were informed that Tim's Unit would be deploying in June.  Around March time frame they announced that not everyone from the Unit would be going.  Before they could say who was going, and who was staying, they needed to receive their mission specific orders so they would know who they needed to take.

For the last two months we have received a different answer almost every week.  One week it even changed three times within 24 hours!  As a result, Tim's B Bag (his duffel with some of his gear) was loaded onto the connex and shipped to the desert with everyone else's.  The next day he was told there was miscommunication about the MOS needed and he wasn't going.  That was about three weeks ago and since then the "message" we have gotten is that he is not going.

All the other soldier's have received their shots and cleared medical.  Tim didn't go.  All the other soldiers who are deploying started wearing their multi-cam uniforms to work last week.  (Nauseating to see in itself.)  Tim didn't.

While we are grateful for the opportunity for him to stay home we have struggled with alternate feelings like we are skimping out on a duty.  It is strange to have all of Tim's soldiers deploying; yet he is staying behind.  Don't get me (us) wrong.  We want Tim to stay.  We want to be a whole family unit.  Yet, there is something about being part of the Army and being called to a mission that brings up within you a sense of honor and duty that makes you want to serve as an active participant.  (At least for us!)  It has been a new/different circumstance that we are still trying to find a way to balance out our thoughts/feelings about it.

I know that there are a few other families that have been counting on Tim staying behind so that if something comes up they will have someone to call.  With Tim staying behind we hope to give the support to the other families that I/we received in abundance in Texas during Tim's last deployment.  While the situation has been different I know that the Lord is in charge and He has a plan and a purpose and that we can be a useful tool to serve those here in hopes to bring glory to Him.  We are coming to understand that our role in this deployment might be different than the last few.

All that being said...Another soldier came by the house at 12:45 PM this past Saturday and informed Tim that he is back on for deployment.  By the time you read this we are about one week out from them leaving.  This past week we have been doing our best for preparing for another deployment, but still with no 100% confirmation and no forward movement (from what it seems).  The only other thing we found out is that he would be in charge of a gun-truck, instead of working on vehicles.  This piece of news in itself gave myself a little throw-back to his first deployment and I could feel my heart starting to race thinking about it.  Throughout the week my mind would wonder, creating visions, bringing fear, and having to pray myself back to the reality of the moment.

Around 6 PM last night, Tim received a phone call from someone else and after asking around yesterday, he was told that Tim is NOT going.  (Keep in mind everytime we have heard anything "new" it has not come from the same person.  Not once.)


We've been "going with the flow" so far, but my emotions are starting to catch up with me.  And while I want to believe this, I'm not sure I can!!!  I want to hear it straight from the horse's mouth!  Not sure who that is though.

Sometimes it's so hard to wait for "the next step", to know how to prepare for what's coming.  Yet, I am reminded and comforted by the fact that my God knows.  He's known all along.   

"Do you know how God controls the clouds and makes his lightning flash?"  -Job 37:15

My God who can control the clouds, is more than capable of orchestrating this next season of our lives.  We are prepared to serve in whatever way he leads us, I just wish He would make it clear to the Army what He has already chosen for us!  :)